The Day I've Dreaded for 6 Months

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

It appears as though there is no more breastfeeding in our future. Things were a little worse with my supply than I let on in my previous post, I just didn't want anyone's negative comments or suggestions. I wanted to do this on my own and make the decision on my own. My supply was basically gone last week when I posted. I've been taking Fenugreek, Alfalfa, Omega Fatty Acids, and Prenatals. It equaled 27 pills a day. I started pumping every 2-3 hours, sometimes more and a power pump once a day which is where your pump for 10 minutes and rest for 10 minutes and repeat for an hour. All this equaled hardly any milk, maybe enough for a bottle a day. This weekend I started getting 1.5 to 2 oz total consistently, but that's not enough, I need at least 4. Logan still won't nurse for very long and gets frustrated easily and I don't really blame him. Yesterday we went to see the Lactation Consultant at the hospital. We did a before and after feeding weight checks. He only got 1 oz, he needed 4. He was a little distracted, but still nursed pretty well. She suggested a Supplemental Nursing System which we bought and tried out while we were there. A SNS is a bottle that your clip on your shirt that has a really small tube that comes out of the bottom which you tape to your breast and the tube goes into the baby's mouth while he's latched on. This gets him satisfied so he'll nurse for longer thus stimulating the breast to make more milk. Logan did not take well to it, but I thought it was because he missed his nap and was a little fussy to begin with. Turns out I was wrong. We tried it all day yesterday and again today and he will not have anything to do with it and if he does he just sucks on the little tube to get the formula out instead of nursing. My OB will not prescribe Reglan due to some other issues, so that's not an option.

I don't know what else to do. I really feel that I've tried everything. I know I've been really adamant about nursing for a year, it's only because I wanted to do right by Logan and do everything that I'm suppose to do and do it the right way. I already know now what not to do with the next baby. I know that introducing a regular bottle will definitely hurt the nursing relationship-in fact I should just throw all the bottles away when Logan is done with them, I know that I should find an extremely pro breastfeeding pediatrician that will not push formula, I know that I shouldn't think that refusal to nurse will just be a phase and my supply will recover once he starts nursing again, I know that LC's know a TON more about breastfeeding that pediatricians. I feel like this is all my fault by introducing the formula in the first place. I knew there was a thing called nipple preference but also knew that tons on mom's put their kids in daycare with bottle of breastmilk and they still nurse just fine. At the time I was just trying to help my baby feel better, I just wanted to fix him. I wanted him not to hurt and get some sleep. I was worn down and sleep deprived and just needed him to sleep. In retrospect, I should have consulted the Dr. to begin with. I had no clue it was his acid reflux, I truly thought it was something I was eating. If I'd taken him to the Dr. they could have diagnosed him properly and added any necessary medication and the formula wouldn't have been necessary. I shouldn't have taken things into my own hands. But now I cannot change it.

Looking back, there were only about 2 months that nursing was enjoyable and I miss that time so much. When he was first born he ate constantly and we were using the shield. The first two weeks were pure hell, then week 4 and week 6 were equally awful due to growth spurts. Then he continued to eat for 45 minutes every 2 hours until he was 14-16 weeks old. So basically I was nursing for an hour then had an hour off, then repeat. That's when we got off the shield. Everything was good for a month or so and that's when his acid reflux started getting bad complicating everything. It was all down hill from there. Even though it was so hard and challenging at times, it was so important to me that he be breastfed. I felt that it was my duty as a mom, especially since I'm lucky enough to stay at home with him. I plan on breastfeeding my next child and I plan on making it a year, I just hope nothing throws a wrench in my plan and I don't feel guilty for not nursing Logan for longer.

I don't feel as though I gave up or quit, I feel like I did everything in my power to continue nursing and it just wasn't happening, that doesn't mean I'm at peace with this, but hopefully I'll be more content in a few weeks. I think Logan is going to do fine with the formula. I gave him the best start possible and I'm glad I at least got him through winter and the flu season. He's happy and healthy, what more could I ask?

Funny Picture

Our silly dog Nino treed Mom's cat. Then Nino got distracted because I was trying to get him to come back to the house, he got about half way and changed his mind. He went back to guard the tree that the cat was in, but went to the wrong tree! Apparently, his eyesight in his "good" eye is not that good!

Easter

I guess I should write about Easter since it was almost 2 weeks ago!


Easter, like every other holiday, was super busy for the Price family. We went to Brent's moms side of the family on Saturday night and had dinner and visited with the family. Of course they were all over Logan, who wouldn't be since he's the cutest kid on the planet : ) Luckily we got to spend a couple hours there so hopefully they all got their Logan fix.


Sunday was our busy day. We went to church at The Orchard Church, a church that my friend from high school, Zach deVaux, started. After that we went to Brent's Mimi's for lunch. We got there at 12:30 but didn't get to stay too long because we had to be at my parents at 2. We ended up there probably around 2:30, ate some more and had some yummy Flamingo Freezes. After that we went to Brent's grandmothers. I think we had to be there by 4:30. Once again, we ate some more, luckily she didn't have a big meal planned, just some finger foods. Brent had to head out of town for the week so we didn't really get to spend much time there either, but that's how it goes on most holidays...busy, busy, busy. I ended up staying the week with my parents so I could have help with Logan while Brent was out of town. Mom helps out so much. I even get to sleep in late while she got up with Logan. I don't think she realizes what a treat that is for me! Monday was Taco Night with the family. I sure do miss random family get togethers like that. Tuesday night I saw my girls, who I miss so much. Mom babysat for me so I could have a nice glass of plum wine. Wed and Thurs afternoon I had to work as well as Friday during the day. I headed back Friday after Mom and Dad took me and Logan out to eat. It sure was good being back in my own house and sleeping in my own bed but I sure do miss all the help with Logan. It's not that Brent is no help, he just works his butt off and once he's home he's exhausted. He does so much though once he is home, he takes over for me while I fix dinner or just chill out getting some me time on the computer or whatever. Then it's either bath time, dinner time or night night time for Logan.

MawMaw rocking Logan to sleep on the front porch.

Logan is learning new things daily. His hands finally do everything he wants them to do now. I didn't think a 6 month old could get into everything but he does! Today I put him in the floor while I downloaded some pictures to share with you all and in just a few minutes he had rolled all the way across the living room and was grabbing at my feet trying to get my attention! It was so cute! It's definitely time to baby proof the house. He says ma ma ma ma ma consistently. I'm pretty sure he knows the meaning behind it too most of the time because he will scream "ma ma ma ma" when I leave his sight. Either he knows that's me or he knows I'll come back if he says that. We're kind of dealing with some separation anxiety at the moment. He pretty much freaks out if I'm out of sight, especially if I get caught checking on him and I leave again.

Logan helping us install our new flower beds.

I had to work this weekend. It was a super busy weekend for some reason, lots of people came in because of 4-wheeler wrecks and injuries from lots of other outdoor activities since it was so pretty. Brent did so well with Logan. I was so impressed! He put him down for every nap, put him down for the night, knew when he was hungry, fed him his baby food without it ending up all over both of them, and changed all but one dirty diaper that he kind of freaked out about. I hate working weekends but it was also a nice break for mommy!

Playing outside again. He loves it outside!

We're going home this weekend. I offered to help Mom and Dad with Flamingo Freeze at Down Home Days, then Dad promised to take us fishing on Sunday since it's bream season, which is my favorite time to go. Almost every time you cast out you get a bite instantly. So much fun. I guess I'm still a Daddy's girl at heart.

I forgot to add....

Logan is getting hair. Lots of it! It's all red, too, bless his heart!

The Perfect Mommy-Baby Day!

Today I took advantage of the awesome weather and took Logan to Memorial Park in Athens. At this park they have a huge lake that has ducks and tons of turtles and a walking/hiking trail all the way around it. You can fish there also and from what I learned from one of the fisherman, you can catch bream, crappy and bass. There are several playgrounds, picnic tables, grills, dog park, volleyball court, basketball courts, pool, and best of all a zoo! Logan and I had a picnic lunch. He enjoyed some Apple/Kiwi/Mango baby food and apple juice while I ate some yummy Mickey D's. After we ate I lathered him up in sunscreen and loaded him into the stroller so we could walk around the lake. He liked the ducks so I'm going to start freezing stale bread so we can feed them next time we go. After our walk, he had a bottle and we headed over to the zoo. The zoo consisted of native GA animals like deer, turkey, bobcats, owls, alligators, eagles, snakes, groundhogs, beavers, hawks and a huge bear. There was nothing really special there, but it's a good place to spend an afternoon. It was small, kind of reminded me of Warner Park when we were little, minus the monkeys and tigers. The best part about it was that it was all FREE! I have a feeling that we will be making more and more visits there this summer. Of course I forgot the camera, so no pictures..I'll do better next time!

Logan went to the Dr. yesterday. He weighed 15 lbs 14 oz, 21%. Length: 26.5 inches, 51%. Head circumference: I don't remember but it was in the 60's%. They are still concerned about his weight, but we are working on it. I'm having to pump so I can monitor how many ounces he's taking in. They want him to have 28-32 oz per day plus solids 3 times a day. Whatever I can't get with the pump I have to supplement with formula. I talked with a Lactation Consultant at the hospital and she is helping me increase my supply and told me to take omega fatty acids to increase the fat in my milk. I'm also taking fenugreek 4 pills 3 times a day, which is already starting to help! Since Logan started the formula, my supply started to go down. The LC also thinks my Dr is wacko. Her point of view is that it doesn't matter how many oz, etc, he takes in, if they can't control his acid reflux then it's still going to come back up. Which I agree with especially since he's been spitting up a ton more the last 2 weeks or so. The LC also said that 32 oz is way too much, since breastfed babies normally get 24-25 oz/day. The volume of milk doesn't increase but the amount of calories in the milk adjusts with the babies demand, unlike formula that has the same amount of calories/oz making the baby have to take in more ounces to increase his calorie intake. They switched his medicine again. He's on prevacid now...before I thought he was on Prevacid because that's what the NP told me she would call in if I needed it but instead they called in Prilosec and didn't tell me. It was generic on the bottle so I didn't know any different. If this doesn't work and his symptoms persist they are going to refer me to a GI specialist. My crazy Dr. thinks Logan is weaning, but if he were weaning he'd refuse the breast completely, but instead he just gets really PO'd after a few minutes when it's not coming out as fast as it does with the bottle. HELLO-being eager to nurse is NOT weaning! Dumbass. I'm not going to see her again! She also said that most of her breastfed patients wean by 9 months. Well no shit, they are following your crazy advice of supplementing with formula to an otherwise happy, healthy baby, which KILLS supply, trust me, I know first hand!!! Once my supply is back up, hopefully in a week or so, I'm going to cut out the formula completely. YAY!! No more stinky stuff...hopefully. If I'm unable to get my supply up on my own, I'm going to call my OB and see if she will prescribe me Reglan, which is what they give adoptive moms, moms with low supply or wish to relactate. Then if all that doesn't work, I guess I'll have to give in a get formula...but lets not think about that right now! Gotta stay positive!! I'm not going to stop til I've exhausted all efforts. So, please don't give me any comments on how I should just go ahead and do formula. I'm the Mommy now, I get to make that decision.

Loca Killer Price...

Or at least that's what Brent called her, probably because she wanted to bite the head off of anyone who got near us. Loca got ran over by a car Friday morning. She was my baby girl (that's what I called her) and I miss her so much. We were at my parents and Mom and Logan were out planting flowers while I was working. The dogs were out roaming around as they always did. Loca apparently got in the road, which is unusual since the road is so far from the house. I was out taking pictures of Logan wearing my old Atlanta Braves hat that I wore when I was little and playing with a shovel. We noticed two cars stop in the middle of the road. I assumed they were people dealing with the burnt house in front of my parents until we saw the lady go to the back of her car and pick up Loca to move her to the side of the road. She was moving her so she didn't get hit again, which I am so thankful for, because it was bad enough seeing my dead dog, let alone if she was smeared into the road. Dad buried her next to Miss Kitty, Laura's favorite cat when we were little, and Mom planted her some flowers.

Loca, although very annoying at times, was a sweet dog. She was a great protector and a good snuggle bug. She had finally calmed down a bit and wasn't a wild and crazy puppy anymore. She will be really missed. Nino has been a little mopey and searched a lot, but yesterday he didn't seem to look for her as much. Nino is such a good dog, I never realized it before and I think it's because Loca was the instigator.

Needless to say, I'm never going to have another indoor dog and I'm definitely NEVER going to get attached to another animal. Brent wants a Boxer, but that would require a fence and that's just not a possibility at this point.

More Pictures

He's discovered his feet!

Yummy, fresh banana. He really looks like Brent here.

I know I said he's not really into toys yet, but he does LOVE this football.

Wearing Daddy's hat.

The cutest picture ever!

Blurry picture, but he's playing with his shadow.

Logan and horsey got to come out on the patio while we cleaned up the back yard from the snow storm. First time he's really spent any time outside.